REVIEW

Going It Alone
by Jennifer Brown

When my first baby was born, my mother came to my apartment and took care of me. She cleaned my house – swept the kitchen floor and changed the cat litter box – and cooked my dinner. She brought me the giant glasses of milk that I craved every time I nursed. She held my baby while I showered. She changed diapers, powdered my baby’s bottom, and reassured me when I worried that I would never get this mothering thing.

And that was just one day.

I can’t count the number of times I called on my mom, both throughout the pregnancy and after the birth. Heck, I even stopped by Mom’s house first when I thought I was in labor – so she could confirm to me that, yes, it’s time to go to the hospital. I listened that night as she counseled me to skip dinner so I wouldn’t get sick while in the throes of hard labor. I soaked up a hug as I packed myself up for the short ride to the hospital.

All along the way, from morning sickness to teen tantrums, I’ve consulted my mother, compared with her, followed her example. I don’t know what I would have done without her.

Hope Edelman knows. After all, she’s been without her mother since the early 1980s when she was only 17 and her mother died of cancer. She did the pregnancy/childbirth/mothering thing alone, without a mom whose example she could follow. Without sage motherly advice or much-needed maternal pampering or validation. And, she realized, so have so many others!

A sensitive enough time it is, pregnancy, without the feeling of aloneness and the cropping up of old grief, anger, and loneliness that a woman had hoped was resolved or at least permanently buried. But with those feelings that a motherless mother-to-be feels, pregnancy, labor, and motherhood itself can seem horrifyingly daunting.

Edelman’s book, Motherless Mothers, explains those feelings that are both nerve-wracking and natural, and helps ease mothers who have no mothers of their own to rely on, get through them. She leaves no stone unturned, exploring everything from conception to birth and delivery to infancy, toddlerhood, childhood, handling the “missing grandma” dilemma, and mothering a teenager. Chock full of quotes and examples of motherless moms, as well as honest and hard looks at Edelman’s own feelings and fears, Motherless Mothers has plenty of good, solid advice and validation for a mom or mom-to-be who might desperately need it.

Both sensitive and insightful, Motherless Mothers is a great resource book for moms who have no mom to rely on. (Though its focus is primarily on moms whose mothers have passed away, a mother who has been “undermothered” or has been essentially without a mother due to a circumstance of poor parenting could probably find this book useful as well – something I found myself wishing Edelman had addressed more firmly in the book.) If nothing else, it will serve as a validation tool for those who might feel “selfish” or “immature” or “stupid” for feeling the quite natural feelings that they feel when it comes to being a mom without a mom. For you moms – you are not going it alone. There is Hope out there for you. And she’s there to let you know that even a motherless mother can be a fine mother, indeed!

Jennifer Brown is a freelance writer in Liberty, Missouri. The two-time winner of the Erma Bombeck global humor award (2005 & 2006), Jennifer's humor column appears in The Kansas City Star. Contact Jennifer and check out her work at www.jennifunny.com.

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