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Fumbling Toward Motherhood by Stephanie McCarty When all else fails, write about them For as long as I can remember, I have wanted to be a writer. Growing up, my diaries were chocked full of drama about my elementary and high school days, and I pursued my passion through high school, trying my hand as a columnist for the school newspaper. As I entered college, while everyone around me was seemingly “undecided,” I quickly and proudly declared myself a Creative Writing major. Unfortunately, the seats in writing classes were snapped up quickly by upperclassmen, so my first two years of college were spent trudging through courses like college algebra and geology – trying to keep my GPA above failing so I could one day take classes I enjoyed. Four years later, degree in hand, I set out to begin my writing career. I quickly learned that paid writing jobs are few and far between – so I went into public relations. I spent more than a decade writing everything from articles and news releases to speeches. My career took me places that I’d never imagined…from political campaigns to a job on Capitol Hill. Still, I felt unfulfilled. When I became pregnant with my first child, I began writing a collection of essays and letters about my dad, who had passed away when I was a teenager, so that my child would someday know her grandfather, if only through my written words. Once my baby daughter arrived, I tried to write in my “free time.” Ultimately, any spare moments were spent sleeping or attempting to catch up on the mounting piles of laundry and layers of dust. As weeks turned into months, I tried to tap into some of the ideas I once dreamed of getting down on paper, from completing the collection of letters about my father to trying my hand at “chick-lit,” but somehow I never seemed to make it past the first paragraph. It’s difficult to write complex sentences with Dora the Explorer belting out “tree, bridge, tall mountain” on the TV in the background. Then one day, it hit me. Why not try writing about what was right in front of me? I had read a lot about what motherhood was supposed to be (at least the idealized version) but very little about the reality of it all, which often left me feeling unprepared to face the demands of parenting. I felt called to write about this important, yet often frightening time. With my daughter’s escapades through toddlerhood I had loads of material already! So, I began writing columns about my foray into new motherhood, which not only helped me as a writer, but as a mother as well. Since I never got around to filling out the baby books, my columns have enabled me to capture these moments in all their glory so I can remember them in a few years (or a few weeks or even days since memory loss seems to top the list of side effects of new motherhood). Back in my professional days, if someone had told me that I’d be writing about preschool and trips to the park, I never would have believed them. But today, I have found my passion and am writing what comes naturally. Now that our second child has arrived, I’m finding that although there is half as much time to write, I have twice as much to write about. I’m sure my daughters will provide me with a wealth of material for years to come. Now if I could just find the time to write it all down.
Stephanie McCarty’s Fumbling Toward Motherhood column appears regularly in print and online publications. One of her columns was included in the 2007 release: “Chicken Soup for the New Mom’s Soul.” Stephanie writes from Ohio where she currently lives with her husband and two young daughters, who are the inspiration for her column. Read more of Stephanie’s work at: www.fumblingtowardmotherhood.com or contact her at: Stephanie@fumblingtowardmotherhood.com.
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