I'd Rather Be Given Flowers...

No one has ever said marriage was an easy thing. In fact, as personal, trust-based endeavors go, it ranks right up there with skydiving, open heart surgery, roller coaster riding, and eating items from a city street food cart.

You place your faith and trust in another human being.

Trust that the person who packed your parachute wasn't drunk. Faith that the engineers who monitor your thrill rides don't have an "Eh, close enough" attitude the day you hit the theme park. Faith in your surgeon's skills and trust that he didn't spend most of anatomy class studying the curves of his buxom lab partner. And trust that your street vendor practices not only good hygiene, but some level of sanitary food prep that goes beyond the "5 second ground hitting rule".

Truth is, we spend most waking moments placing our physical well being in the hands of other people. Fellow motorists, teachers, doctors, dentists, massage therapists, grocery store workers, gas station owners, etc.

For many of us, our emotional well-being is in the hands of someone else as well. Whether a ring bearing spouse, a committed significant other, or simply a new hot paramour - we pony up our hearts and trust that they won't use them as the emotional equivalent of a roll of Charmin.

I've been married over fifteen years now. I've been with the man for over seventeen. That's pushing two decades of placing my trust in his love, maturity, commitment, and yes, hormones.

And he has placed his trust in me.

During our marital tenure, due to the nature of his occupation, we have spent extended periods apart - he in one state, me in another playing catch up with our children while we wait to sell a house and complete a move. This is exactly what we have been doing for the past 2 1/2 years.

That's right - TWO AND A HALF YEARS.

Now, don't get me started on the protracted process of trying to sell this beautiful McMansion of ours - there are simply too many beautiful McMansions available where I live - and don't cry for us, Argentina, we're actually handling it very well.

But with him four hours away, home only on (most) weekends, trust is something with which we are intimately familiar.

That's not to say it doesn't cross my mind - the thought that he could be getting extracurricularly jiggy if he so chooses. After all, he does have his own apartment and plenty of open hours. For his part, while I laugh when he even brings it up, he sometimes allows a worrisome thought to enter his cerebrum in terms of my fidelity.

I say I laugh because, as opposed to his bachelor existence, I am a package deal, a rather lumpy one at that, as I have three children permanently attached to my rear and rarely a moment to myself. Hell, my best chance for an affair would be showing up early for the carpool line - maybe another Dad in the back of his SUV?

The truth is, even when we have wobbly moments in our relationship, even when I allow my mind to stray into "what if" territory, even when he worries about the number of male neighbors always so eager to "help" me with things around the house - neither one of us truly worries that our trust has been misplaced. I would never cheat. He would never cheat. And I choose to take his word, and actions, for it.

Sadly, many people don't have this level of trust in their relationships...

Meet the 41 year old man in Kuala Lumpur who could not make his wife believe in his fidelity, regardless of their heated arguments and all his protestations.  (The mysterious text message on his cell phone probably did not help his case, but then again, my husband, myself, most people I know, get illicit text messages all the time - porn spam sent to cellphones.)

Desperate to prove to his wife that he was not having an affair, he dropped his pants, grabbed his penis, sliced it from his body, and presented it to his wife before collapsing on the floor.

And most men just send flowers...

Screams ensued - his, hers, their 14 year old son's. The wife then rushed him to the hospital where he underwent surgery to reattach the gift that (hopefully) can keep giving.

No word on whether she was swayed by his over-the-top, under-the-belt gesture...

Personally, I don't need my husband to cut off his willy to prove I can trust him. I will continue to place my faith in him and offer my love freely - preferring to simply take his word for it. That's how it should be. That's how we want it.

And after all, should he choose to cheat?

He won't need to cut it off - I'll do it for him.

An internationally read author, columnist, event speaker, and media guest, Linda Sharp makes people laugh and think from Maine to Malaysia. Enjoy her book Stretchmarks On My Sanity and add her daily blog, Don't Get Me Started, to your online favorites! Look for her new book, Femail: A Comic Collision In Cyberspace this winter! Give her a Google - you'll be glad you did.