You Don't Renew Your Vows at the DMV

Ten years ago, at my wedding reception, I turned to my brand-new husband with a grin and said "This is so much fun. I can't wait to get married again!"

My husband's eyebrows shot up towards his nice thick head of hair, and he looked quite frightened that I was in such a hurry to remarry. I quickly reassured him that I wanted to marry him again – to renew our vows. He gave me his typical "I have no idea what you are talking about" look, so I dropped the topic.

Two adorable children and nine mostly-wonderful years later, I again caught my husband off-guard. "We should start making plans for our vow renewal so it doesn't sneak up on us."

My darling (and sometimes clueless) husband looked shocked by my statement. "Renewal? Does the first time expire?"

Now, some women might feel upset having their marriage compared to spoiled milk, but not me. I'm pretty resilient. I gently reminded him "No. Remember, we were going to renew every ten years. We talked about this on our wedding day."

It's my fault. My husband is so brilliant that I sometimes forget that he has a terrible memory. He forgets things I told him an hour ago, so it's silly of me to ask him to remember nine years later. By now I was used to seeing his eyebrows heading skyward, towards his less-thick hair. With a wink, he said, "I don't have to go to the DMV for this, do I?" He hates going to the DMV more than getting a root canal.

As our ten year anniversary approached, my husband graciously humored my ramblings about the vow renewal. He was mostly supportive, unless I started asking about things like music, or a location, or vows, or...well, he wasn't really very supportive at all. But, I set to work on my grand scheme. You see... I had a scheme. I secretly invited his family to fly down to celebrate our vow renewal. I even planned the event on a weekend they could all attend. Everything was falling into place perfectly, until I discovered that the weekend I chose for our grand day fell on the same weekend as my husband's annual vacation each year to see his buddies in Oregon. When I informed my husband that he couldn't go on his golf trip, he took it like a man. His buddies handled it more like toddlers watching their ice cream cone fall on the ground... not so well.

His friend Tom actually had the guts to say "Couldn't he call you on his cell phone from the golf course to say his vows?"

Tom's a lucky man. He's lucky that I know his wife and like her. Reluctantly, I fought my urge to fly out to Oregon and hurt him a little.

So, our ten year anniversary is just around the corner, and nothing can stop a woman on a mission. Not Hurricane Ivan, not my pathetic attempts to tell lies to keep my scheme a secret, nothing. My husband is becoming a little suspicious of my plans, though. The other day, he asked why I hadn't invited his family to the renewal, and I stammered my way through some mumblings and mutterings. But, I do think I'm going to be able to pull this off. Wish this terrible liar much luck.

I honestly am confused about something, though. And, I want to ask you for input. Why are vow renewals so uncommon? I don't understand. Isn't it natural to go back to the place where you first committed your lives to each other, to the place where you announced to the world, and to God that you chose each other to spend your lives with? Or do you think love and romance are only for the young?

Why not stand tall and announce to everyone in your life that you STILL love, STILL cherish, and STILL honor your husband? What more treasured gift can you give your children than to have them participate in your vow renewal, and for them to witness your vows to each other?

What's stopping you? Start planning today. Don't wait for an anniversary. Don't put it off for twenty more years. Don't say "maybe next year." It doesn't need to be fancy or expensive. Just do it. Your marriage will be glad you did.

Nicole Dean is the proud creator and owner of http://www.romanceyourhusband.com/, a website dedicated to helping married couples stay friends and to help them remember why they married each other in the first place. Her disclaimer is: If he's a jerk, this won't work. But, if he's sweet, rub his feet.