The price of passion
by Wamuhu Mwaura

is this the price of passion

a life filled with remorse

needless struggle

all-consuming pain

a life filled with self-pity

self-loathing

never-ending strife

i grieve for what never was and what shall never be

 

what has my life become

a river of tears that scathe my face with their heat

their constancy

i am alone in my fears

alone in my pain

alone in my strife

 

he caused it, little one

caused the stress

the tears

which sap my strength

robbing me of any chance that i had of being a real mother

where does that leave me

i have become my mother's daughter

 

no amount of tears

of shame

can cause the man that is your father

little one

to offer me respite

forgive me

it is all i can do to keep us alive

 

i could never harm you, little one

yet i fear that i already have

i lack independence

lack stability

i can offer you nothing

 

what did i do to deserve this

huh

i know what i did

but never thought i would pay for it for the rest of my life

i have suffered so long now

and there is no end to my pain in sight

 

i wish the morrow would bring better tidings

a better life

i fear the suffering that awaits such an innocent creature

such an innocent child

if nothing is done to improve our quality of life

and you did nothing to deserve such strife

 

my soul is screaming again

i wish for death once more

but i have already done so much in this life

i fear for my immortal soul

 

is this the price of passion

destitution and a life lacking pride

lacking the courage to raise my tear stained face to the sky

hear me, o lord

bring me respite

an end to this ache which causes my soul unrest

 

i have not the strength for such struggles

i have not the strength to watch my life crumble

crumble beneath the weight of the world

i have nothing left in me

and there is no heart left in this place in which i was born

whats more

i cannot watch the man that i love turn from me once more

 

laughable that he is no braver than i

what kind of man tells such a frail creature as i

be strong

the very struggles that i endure

he himself cannot

he cannot bear the kind of life that i live

would rather die than see himself shamed

 

a little sacrifice on his part would go a long way

but either he cannot

or

will not

i fear it is simply that he will not

 

see what my life has become

i despise the world for its lack of caring

i despise myself for living so long

how is it that my body does not buckle under such weight

how is it that despite the death of my soul

my body still lives

 

huh

but i know

it is the price i must pay for passion