Gone in a heartbeat
by Laurie Fabrizio

I awoke this morning to what appeared to be a quiet, mundane spring morning.  I booted up my laptop with a strong, steamy cup of coffee in my hand.  As the computer hummed to life, I clicked on my email to see what was new with friends and family.  My eldest daughter, who had turned 19 the previous day, came stumbling down the stairs, eyes half closed, and hair askew.

“Hi Honey, did you sleep well?” I asked.

“Yeah, I guess.  I don’t think I’ll ever catch up on the sleep I missed during finals week.”
           
She had just completed final exams for her freshman year of college and was anxious about beginning her new job.  Her social calendar was quickly filling and she was anxious for summer to get underway.  My mind wandered back to last year at this time, when we were gearing up for prom, graduation, and college orientation.  Only a year ago, this was the weekend she attended her Senior Prom.  I vividly remembered all of the frantic chaos.  We spent weeks searching for the perfect dress, matching shoes and coordinating jewelry.  The day of the great event was spent having nails done and paying my hairdresser to scoop her golden locks up into the perfect coiffed hairdo.   As usual, all of her friends gathered at our house to get ready and for pre-prom pictures.  Their dates arrived all “spiffed up” and handsome, armed with corsages.  They gathered outside in my garden, which I had spent tedious hours fertilizing and pruning, until it was a sea of glorious color. 

Since it was her senior prom, we had covered the cost for the limo to help make the night perfect.   My husband had insisted that he didn’t want any of her group driving and it was worth the investment, if only to not to spend the evening worrying.  She was the eldest, our baby, and we wanted her to be safe. 

“Mom, did you see this article in the paper about the prom accident this weekend?  Three teens were killed and the girl was from a town near here.”  She said, bringing me back from my daydream.

“Yes,” I said, my mind returning to the present.  I had just logged on to one of the local news links.  I quickly read through the latest information, and felt my heart catch.  A sudden feeling of dread settled in the pit of my stomach. 

“It says here that she was from our town and was a junior at your high school.  I don’t recognize the name, I wonder if your sister knew her” I said.   My daughter was suddenly looking over my shoulder and I heard her stop in mid-breath.

“Oh my God mom, she’s a friend of mine!  We were in Advanced Placement Spanish last year and we did our final project together.  Remember Mom, I introduced you to her at my grad party.”
 
She ran upstairs and grabbed her yearbook, as if she was hoping to find a different face from the one in the article.  Tears streaming down her face, she showed me the young girl’s senior picture.   She had also found the autograph dog and guest book from her graduation party.  Each contained an inscription with a cute little message, from the girl in the picture.   It suddenly came flooding to me.  I remember my daughter introducing me to this beautiful young woman the day of the party and how sweet and self assured she appeared. 

She was only seventeen years old and had been on her way to a friend’s prom, a few hours drive from her home.  For reasons still unknown, the car she was traveling crossed the median and hit another car head on, resulting in three young casualties.  It was later determined that the driver or the car she was in, was going over 100 miles an hour.  One of the most important evenings in their young lives, one filled with hopes and dreams, had been tragically snatched away in seconds.   It all seemed so pointless, three young adults, with bright futures, who would never graduate or attend a college orientation. 

I saw the pain and tears in my daughter’s eyes and wished, as her mom, that I could wash it all away.  How do you deal with the death of a friend at such a young age?  All I could do was try to console her.  As an adult, I couldn’t explain why three young lives were taken.  

As I enfolded my daughter in my arms, I thanked God for keeping her safe during her prom, all of the graduation parties and her first year of college.  I remembered all of the evenings she checked in with me to let me know her plans and that she was safe.  The countless nights that she woke me up to let me know she was home in one piece, all seemed worth it now.  Being awakened in the wee hours of the morning when she needed to talk, immediately took on new meaning.  Those feelings of exhaustion I felt the next morning seemed a small price to pay to be able to see and touch her.

Unfortunately for my daughter, this summer would prove to be more heart breaking.  She received a phone call one morning that would once again change her outlook on life.    Her good friend Amanda had suffered a seizure while taking a bath and had drowned.   Another beautiful young girl, who had just completed the first year of college, her life snuffed out for no reason.   My daughter was extremely distraught, having lost two friends in less than three months.  As a mom, I found myself at a loss for words to ease her pain.  Nothing I said was going to bring them back.   For her, this death was even harder to face, since Amanda died in her own home, where she should have been safe, out of harms way.  We always assume that our children are protected when they are tucked safely at home.   In this case the father discovered Amanda and tried to revive her, but to no avail. 

Attending your first wake is an unnerving experience, no matter how old you are.   My daughter had been unable to go to her first friends calling hours because it was during finals week at college and she was afraid to go.   However, this time, she knew she had to face her fears and act like an adult.  A group of her close friends went with her and it was a night that none of them would not soon forget.   Witnessing the pain her family and boyfriend were going through, only mirrored they sorrow they were all feeling.   The image of seeing Amanda for the last time will be forever etched in my daughter’s memory. 

Once again, we spent another tearful evening, as she reminisced about all of the wonderful times she and Amanda had shared.   As I held her in my arms and let her express her grief, I reflected on how unjust life could be.   Why did two young girls, who had just begun to experience life, have their lives end so tragically?   Will we ever fully understand why things happen? 

My heart goes out to both young girls’ parents and family who will never again be able to hold a daughter in their arms, kiss her goodnight, or share her accomplishments, happiness and pain. They won’t have the opportunity to someday see her walk down the aisle, or hold her new baby as they become grandparents.  I imagine how these parents said good-bye to a child on a typical day assuming they would hear about the events of the day or evening, the next time they speak.  I’m sure they never fathomed that it would be the last time that they would see their beautiful daughters.

Life is too short, and it can be over in a heartbeat.  Don’t take those hugs and kisses from your children for granted or forget to say I love you.   As they head out the door, stop what you are doing, and remind them you love them and to drive safely.  Yes, they are teenagers and they may think you are being over protective, but don’t let this deter you.  For all you know, you may never have another opportunity.

Laurie Fabrizio resides in the Minneapolis, Minnesota area with her husband and two teenage daughters.  She’s an avid reader, and spends her time as a member of two book clubs, knitting and gardening.   Laurie has a strong passion for writing and has had pieces published on www.heartwarmers.com , www.petwarmers.com and the November 2006 issue of Long Story Short.

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