Suddenly Single

by Ami Peltier

As the wife of an Army physician deployed to Iraq, I get many questions from friends who are mystified by the whole process, and whose only exposure to the army has been through the humorous and highly realistic antics of the actors on M*A*S*H* reruns (Yes! I get it! He’s just like Hawkeye! Now please stop sending us Hawaiian shirts!). On normal, non-war zone days, my husband works in a clinic at the Fort Leonard Wood Hospital in Missouri, and is assigned to a unit out of Fort Hood, Texas. When they deploy, he receives a set of orders to join them, which look something like this:

Dear Captain,

 

Please be advised that we are shipping you to Iraq next Friday. Don’t forget your toothpaste, a change of socks, and your M-16. Move your name to the bottom of the above list, send a pair of pretty panties to the person at the top of the list, and then mail a copy of this letter to 10 people.

 

In 4-6 weeks, we guarantee that you’ll receive 240 pairs of pretty panties!

 

16th Brigade, 48th Battalion

Medical Corps of People Who Wish They’d Read the Fine Print on the Contract,                                                    United States Army

This information is set in stone; the only possible changes at this point are date and length of departure, final destination, and whether he’ll receive stickers or children’s books instead of pretty panties.

My husband left in March of 2004. I am slowly learning how to juggle three kids under the age of four (it would be easier if there wasn’t so much drool on the baby) with my part-time job editing a medical journal. It’s been a lot easier to fit everything in since I started to let my 4-year-old do most of my proofreading (No, Noah! You may not watch Blue’s Clues! We go to press in two days!).

My most important job is to keep my children happy while their father is away. One way to do this is to provide plenty of activities to keep them busy. For example, this morning, we were due at a music class by 8:30 a.m., so I woke up at 5:30 a.m., showered, got dressed, dried my hair for 23 seconds, heard Lucas cry, changed his diaper, got him dressed, fed him a bottle, changed his diaper again, heard Abbie cry, walked into her room to see her standing in her crib and proudly holding her diaper in one hand, stripped her crib, threw her bedding in the washer, bathed Abbie, dressed Abbie, woke Noah, fought with Noah about taking off his pajamas and getting dressed (I figure on about two hours for this – heaven forbid he should ever discover morning coffee or we’ll never leave the house), prepared a healthy breakfast of Pop-Tarts (they’re fortified!), stocked the diaper bag, located three pairs of socks and shoes, buckled everybody into their car seats, realized that the class ended 15 minutes ago, unbuckled everyone and went back inside. It’s just that easy!

In addition to keeping the children happy, it is also important to keep my husband happy. This is a twofold process. First, I must assure him that although he is 1200 miles away, he is still a vital part of our household, and that I am completely unable to get by without him. Second, I must assure him that he should not feel guilty that he is not here to help, and that I have no problem at all getting by without him.

I send these reassurances via helpful e-mails:

Hi honey! Wow, I sure missed you today. The dryer was smoking, and I tried everything, but you know I really need you to fix that sort of thing, so that handsome college student who lives down the street came over and worked on it for me. So don’t feel bad about not being here! He took care of everything.  In fact, after Brock finished cleaning out the lint trap, little Luc looked up at him and said “papa”! Isn’t that amazing? His first word, and it was your name! And to think, you were afraid the kids would forget you!

After the kids are in bed and the cookies are baked for the next care package, it’s time to relax. I curl up with a parenting magazine that has 63 articles about the importance of finding time for myself (Quit putting the kids first! A pampered mom is a happy mom!) interspersed with 124 articles about becoming a better mother (Teach your child Swahili while you breast-feed!). At least I think that’s what it said. My 2-year-old crawled into bed with me 10 minutes later, and I had to turn the lights out.

Ami Peltier is a medical journal editor and freelance writer who lives with her husband and three children in Cadillac, Michigan.