House of Testosterone
by Sharon J. O'Donnell
Age gap
The nine year age gap between the oldest of my three sons and the youngest has definitely presented some interesting challenges. Homework at our house includes everything from calculus for my 11th grader, algebra for my eighth grader, to simple number sentences for my first grader.
One night last spring in the middle of all the homework hassles, my husband Kevin and I were discussing what tutor to get for our oldest because helping him with his precalculus is like “Mission Impossible” for us. (Kevin says he had calculus too long ago to remember how to help our son, while I readily admit that the passage of time has little to do with why I can’t be of any assistance — I never understood the stuff to begin with.) That same night, my middle schooler brought home a test that wasn’t up to his usual standards, so Kevin was going over that with him, while I silently prayed to let us make it through until everybody’s graduation. All the while in the back of my mind, I was panicking about all the years of homework ahead with my youngest son, thinking, “We haven’t even gotten to multiplication tables with Jason, yet.” It was an overwhelming thought, as I buried my head in my hands. We see the light at the end of the tunnel with our older boys, but the journey is just beginning with Jason.
It’s also been a challenge since Jason has a case of Little Brother-itis. This is when Jason thinks he can do anything his brothers do, just the way they do it. If he sees them being aggressive on the basketball court, then by golly, Jason will follow suit and go for a steal in the backcourt, even though that’s not allowed in his age division.
Another disadvantage this age gap poses is that ever since he was a baby, we’ve been dragging poor Jason around from one of his brothers’ events to another, from baseball fields in the hot sun, to basketball tournaments that last all weekend. I’m sure it hasn’t been a lot of fun for him over the years. Of course, we have to keep him entertained and safe from foul balls, so it hasn’t been a picnic for us either.
As parents, Kevin and I sometimes forget Jason’s young age and incorrectly assume he can do the same things the other guys do. Just the other day, it was time for Jason to get dressed for ice hockey lessons, and Kevin told him to do it himself. My dear husband obviously forgot how difficult it is to get on all that equipment, particularly if you’re only six years old. “You’ve got to help him, Kevin,” I reminded him. Of course, after all the gear was on — shoulder pads, the hockey girdle, the thick socks — Jason said he had to go to the bathroom. “Didn’t you ask him if he had to pee before he got all that stuff on?” I asked Kevin. Mothers know that when that much equipment is involved, you always ask if they have to go to the bathroom beforehand. Indeed, Kevin was used to dealing with the older guys.
Since we have sons in high school, middle school, and elementary school, all with varying start times, our morning routine lasts from 5:15 a.m. when our oldest wakes up to catch the bus, until 9:00 a.m. when I finally drop Jason off in carpool. With one event after another in the mornings, sometimes my goal in life is simply not to be the last car in the carpool line.
Kevin and I have tended to be more laid back with Jason than we were with our older guys. The first day of kindergarten for each of them was an important day, no doubt, but Jason was more independent than his brothers had been at that age, so I didn’t worry about him as much. With Billy, now 16, and David, 13, I’d made sure they had the perfect breakfast, and that they were feeling okay physically and emotionally. But the morning of Jason’s first day, Jason, who is prone to allergies, started coughing and even threw up once. I alarmed even myself by standing beside him at the toilet and simply looking at my watch and asking him, “Are you done?” If it’d been Billy or David doing that on their first days of kindergarten, I probably would have kept them home. But I knew it was allergy related and that Jason would be okay. Nothing to worry about.
Of course, the boys are at different places along the road to maturity, so the body changes can sometimes be a source of insight. A few months ago, my oldest son was lying on the coach asleep, his arm outstretched over his head. Jason, six, surveyed his brother’s exposed underarm hair and screwed up his face in disgust. I grinned and explained, “That’s what happens when you get older.”
He pursed his lips for a second, and again showed disgust. “The thought of that happening to me sickens me,” he said.
There is, however, one big advantage of this large age gap between sons; Billy, our oldest, provides a very convenient built-in babysitter for Jason, and that, sometimes outweighs all the disadvantages. But for those parents planning to space their children with six or more years between the births, just know you’ll be in it for the long haul, going to Little League games and planning high school graduations all in the same year.
 Sharon J.
O’Donnell is an award-winning newspaper columnist, who specializes in
humor columns. Since 1998, Sharon has been a columnist for The Cary
News, in Cary, NC (just outside of Raleigh) and has won awards for
those columns. She has also written for Good Housekeeping, The News
& Observer, and Blue
Mountain Arts greeting
cards.
Sharon
is a 1984 graduate of the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill
(she used to live in the same dorm as Michael Jordan!!) with a degree in
print/broadcast journalism. Since then she’s worked in radio
promotions, special events planning, public speaking, and public
relations.
Her current project is a humorous book of
essays about what it’s like to be the only woman in a houseful of males,
dealing with a husband, three sons, and a male dog.
Sharon also writes fiction. In 1997,
her novel manuscript, Hand-Me-Downs, was a finalist in the Heekin
Group Foundation’s James Fellowship for the novel-in-progress division.
An excerpt from her current novel-in-progress, Bluebirds Fly, was
published in the Sunday Reader section of The News & Observer,
the Raleigh paper, in December of 2002. In the spring of 2003, she won
third place in the short story division of The Paul Gillette Memorial
Writing Contest, sponsored by the Pikes Peak Writers Conference.
Since 2000, she’s taught narrative writing through
week-long writing residency workshops in schools and is a
writer-in-residence through the United Arts Council. She has also done
public relations consulting that has resulted in successful media
coverage for various programs and events.
Jacob’s Ladder, a volunteer group she helped start in honor of
her nephew who underwent a successful bone marrow transplant in 1993,
won a national award called the HOPE award in 1997 for raising testing
money and promoting the bone marrow registry to minorities.
She lives in Cary with her husband Kevin and their three sons
ages 14, 11, and 5 (ages of this writing in late 2005).
Her Web sites are
www.momsofboys.org and
www.sharonodonnell.com.
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