Jayne Jaudon Ferrer says the hardest thing about being a writer is also the hardest thing about being a mother: “The hours. There are never enough.” The author of several books of inspirational, thought-provoking poetry about motherhood says her latest book of poems, “She of the Rib,” represents a new, bolder direction for her writing — one that targets women in general rather than mothers in particular. Jaudon Ferrer, a resident of Greenville, SC, is a full-time writer with a husband and three sons. She’s been writing stories since she was a child growing up in Florida, and one of her stories was published in her hometown paper when she was a fourth grader. During junior high, she wrote a weekly column for that same newspaper and then got a big break in high school when the Tampa Tribune agreed to carry a series of interviews she’d done with country music stars, such as Kenny Rogers, Jeannie C. Riley and Jerry Reed. “I've been writing and publishing ever since.”

MWLM: Tell us about your newest book, “She of the Rib.”Why this title, and how did you come to write this book? Has your writing style evolved from this book that focuses on women at midlife, women with a more confident attitude, compared to how (and why) you wrote the earlier books? What kind of reaction have you gotten to this book?

JJF: “As inspirational books go,“She of the Rib” is pretty edgy, but I know very few middle-aged women who aren't ready to push some limits. Interestingly enough, though, this book has been embraced by women of all ages, not just the midlife market I expected. Younger women, in particular, like the straightforwardness. As one reviewer told me, ‘You don't come across the phrase, feeble-brained jerk, too often in poetry. I pretty much had to see what else you had to say.’

“The idea for ‘She of the Rib’ came years ago, as a way to pay tribute to the many amazing women I've had the privilege of knowing. In fact, I was tempted to title the poems after the specific women who inspired them. But because most poems end up being an amalgam of experiences even if one particular woman was the starting point, I decided an ‘everywoman’ approach was more appropriate. Plus I've learned, through my earlier books, that even my most intensely personal poems will resonate with other women, and I didn't want my poem about my Aunt Reta to keep it from being someone else's poem about her Aunt Grace.

“The title came to me years ago, too. ‘She of the Rib’seemed to fit with the bare bones tone of this collection, plus, for anyone familiar with the Genesis story, it defines the collection as being expressly female.” 

MWLM: Do you keep a regular writing schedule, and do you keep a journal? What advice would you give mom writers who want to find time to write amidst the chaos of raising kids, keeping a home, working, etc.?

JJF: “I try, really I do, to keep a regular writing schedule, but my life (or perhaps, more aptly, my predilection) simply doesn't lend itself to a regular anything. That's not so much a problem with poetry, but with novels, which my last two projects have been. You lose a lot of momentum by not writing every day. That being said, a more typical pattern for me is to scribble random notes for weeks or months and then, abruptly, hole up in my office for 10 days, every moment that I can, and till all hours of the night, and let the words come pouring out. I tend to write whenever the spirit moves: whether that's driving down the highway; during a moment of epiphany in a Sunday morning sermon; or a sudden awakening in the middle of the night. I did make a concerted commitment to write every day a couple of years ago, and in four months, I completed the first draft of a Christmas novella. I loved the sense of accomplishment, but shelving the thousand and one other obligations that required my attention during that time was really difficult. I have this fantasy that after my last child goes off to college, I'll be able to write eight hours a day, five days a week, but I suspect the key word there is ‘fantasy.’

“I don't keep a writing journal, never have. It always seemed to me that if I managed to find time to write, that time was better spent on a poem, or chapter or magazine article than on a journal entry. I do write snippets, thoughts and phrases and ideas that pop into my head, which would undoubtedly be better recorded in one place but are, instead, stashed on paper scraps, napkins, and receipt backs all over my house. Most of them eventually find their way into a particular project, although I could save huge amounts of time and frustration by keeping them in one place. I also keep journals about random moments in my children's life [sic], woefully incomplete, because my intentions are better than my follow-through, but at least there will be a few pages to kindle memories when we're all old and gray.

“When my children were younger, until this past winter, in fact, when my youngest son got his driver's license, I kept a notebook and pen in my car and used waiting time to write. Between band and soccer and baseball and school, I'm sure I've spent half the last twenty years in a car line or parking lot. Instead of yakking with other moms, talking on a cell phone, or reading, I tried to use that time to write. Much of ‘Dancing with My Daughter’ took shape during two hour segments in the YMCA parking lot and, actually, my concentration level was often better there than at home, because there was nothing else I had to be focusing on.

“If you're a mom with children at home, there is always something that needs to be done, so if you try to wait for time to write, it's simply not going to happen. If writing matters to you, it has to have at least the same priority as laundry or meal prep. Hopefully, you have a family that supports you in your goals and is willing to eat frozen pizza instead of homemade chicken pot pie once a week, so you can use that hour to write. Unfortunately, some family members are threatened by, or jealous of, time spent on writing. For those women, I think it is absolutely necessary to hire a babysitter, hire a housekeeper, hide out for three hours at the library, or do whatever it takes to indulge your passion. Martyrs do not make good mothers, and I've learned through experience that you cannot care properly for others if you neglect yourself. Whether you have sons or daughters, what message do you send if you constantly put everyone else's needs ahead of your own aspirations? That's not self-indulgence, that's self-preservation!”

MWLM: I love one of the sample poems you have on your Web site (below). I especially love the last line; there is so much meaning in those two words. How did you come to write this poem? What inspired it? Does your poetry flow easily or do you struggle for each line?

JJF: “Going through 10 years of Alzheimer's with my mother, significantly impacted my perspective on life; choosing how I spend my time now is one of the outgrowths of that experience, and that's basically what this poem is about. Just because we have the opportunity to do something doesn't mean we should do it. I think Karen Hughes, who left her job in the White House to spend more time with her family, is the epitome of a 21st century hero. That can't have been an easy decision to make, but it was the right one, for her, anyway. There are so few arenas in which most of us can truly make an impact; it's vital to identify the things that matter in our lives and to then give those things our full support. You do not have to earn six figures to make a difference in this world, but you do have to be ‘the real thing.’

“Some of my poems come easily, others evolve. Sometimes a single phrase will keep hammering at me, demanding a framework. Other times, there'll be a message I want to convey, but I have to search for the best way to present it. With poetry, each word carries so much weight that it's imperative to choose the right one. Plus you have the added impact of line length, meter, the look of the poem on the page, etc. All that has to work together to create that punch in the gut I believe a good poem should deliver.”

MWLM: What would you tell moms struggling with guilt and trying to be perfect?

JJF: “Perfect is a mirage. Guilt, on the other hand, is very real and it's lethal. I try to use my big sister's philosophy, which is that you do the best you can at the time and accept that, while it may not be perfect, it's good enough. Better to make a moment with what you have than miss it altogether, you know? I tend to be a perfectionist and, in trying to orchestrate special occasions, can get so focused on minute details that, instead of having fun, everyone ends up miserable. My sons have helped me learn to ‘let it go,’ in fact, we use that mantra a lot, so that now I try to focus on what's essential versus what's superfluous. That's much easier to do after 40, for some reason. I constantly counsel my younger friends to ignore all those outside pressures and focus on what matters most to them.”

MWLM:  How has your writing been changed by motherhood?

JJF: “It has pretty much been controlled by motherhood. I left the world of advertising copywriting and started freelancing when my first child was born, because it was important to me to be a stay-at-home mom. By the time my second child came along, freelancing gave way to poetry books because it was too hard to get out of the house for interviews and meetings. When my youngest got to high school a couple of years ago, I started to have more time to myself again, so I embarked on a couple of novels I'd been wanting to do. And now that he's driving, and no one is dependent on me for transportation anymore, I'm able to participate in more book events and accept more speaking engagements. I must admit, I really miss that ‘car time’; those conversations are the best. But it's gratifying to invest more of myself in writing again, after so many years.”

MWLM: What’s next for you? More poetry? Other kinds of writing?

JJF: “I'm working diligently at the moment to sell two novel manuscripts, both of which I'd like to see adapted into screenplays, as well. I have a young adult novel I've started, plus a Southern comedic novel that's about halfway done, and a couple of plays that have been simmering on a back burner for several years. But poetry will always be my first love, so I know I'll start working on a new collection sometime soon.”

MWLM: Anything else you’d like our readers to know about you?

JJF: “I orchestrate a ‘Scintillating Springtime Parade of  Poems’ online every April in celebration of  National Poetry Month. (Sign up to receive it at www.jaynejaudonferrer.com.) So many people think poetry is boring; I do my best to convince them otherwise during those 30 days.

Jackie Papandrew is a freelance writer, wife, mother, and coffee addict living in Florida. Her syndicated humor column, Airing My Dirty Laundry, tickles the funny bone with tales of troublesome teenagers, the agony of aging gums, laughing llamas and bizarre Blackberry behavior – and that’s just for starters. Her work appears regularly in a variety of publications, including the Chicken Soup for the Soul series, The Cleveland Plain Dealer, The Oklahoman, and Hybrid Mom magazine, as well as on several Web sites. You can read more of her work at JackiePapandrew.com.

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