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GUEST PROFILE An interview with Alicia Bayer
Alicia Bayer is the kind of mama-writer you would want living next door. She is inspiring and magical-minded, yet at the same time, very productive and down-to-earth. She is the kind of mother who is not afraid to admit, "I don't have too many irons in the fire anymore-- I'm in the fire and I've lost all my irons. Such is motherhood! And I wouldn't have it any other way." Bayer’s award-winning website (http://www.magicalchildhood.com) originated from her regular columns in the now-defunct Themestream, as well as her current newsletter, A Magical Childhood. This popular parenting newsletter, launched in 2001, reaches several thousand subscribers with every issue. Despite her worldwide audience, Bayer maintains a familiar and friendly style. A Magical Childhood is a free newsletter, offering a mixture of musings, craft ideas and suggestions, and Bayer is clear about her motivation for writing it. "There's no advertising. It has nothing to do with money. I love children and love sharing neat crafts, books, ideas and poems with other moms. I thought it was high time there was a place that focused on a plain old happy, goofy, silly, leisurely life for our children.” Bayer’s website offers dozens of articles, with topics ranging from "What Should a Four-Year-Old Know?" to "Ten Ways to Make it Through a Day with a Toddler." Material from her website is being compiled into a book, a project she describes as "what gets most of my extra energy right now." Bayer’s articles have appeared in Gentle Parents, Natural Family Online and Nature Moms, among other publications. The Minnesota homeschooling mother of three is also a published poet, with nearly a hundred poems appearing in journals including Pudding Magazine, Sing Heavenly Muse!, Hawaii Review and Aura Literary/Arts Review. She is currently compiling a book of poems about her many miscarriages and subsequent successful pregnancies and births, poems which she describes as a "journey through the grief, anger and turmoil of those early years into the self discovery and hope of that first pregnancy that 'took' and then into the poems celebrating my children." Several of her poems about domestic violence, a topic she addresses frequently based on her own experiences as a child and through her work with victims of abuse, are included in a play currently touring the United States. Bayer is also writing a book about women and children killed by domestic violence in Minnesota, based on her experience as the program director and sole advocate for her rural county’s domestic violence program. MWLM: How do you juggle being a mom, newsletter editor, writer and poet? AB: Being a mom comes first, obviously, but I also look at my writing as another thing on my to-do list, just like laundry or cleaning or time with the kids. As women (and particularly mothers), we tend to put our own hobbies, dreams and goals at the very bottom of priorities, and the result is that there is never time for them. I consider my writing an important part of what I do so it is still near the top of the list, even if it can't be at the very top. MWLM: What inspires your poetry most today? AB: My children have inspired the vast majority of it. Recently I went through a depression, though, and found that poetry came back surprisingly easily as a voice for what I was going through. MWLM: Has your writing changed since you became a mother? AB: Everything about me has changed since becoming a mother! When you become a mother, you lose the luxury of being self-absorbed. My writing turned outward, and it has just recently turned inward again now that my kids are older, and I can afford to dig around in my psyche again. MWLM: Tell us more about your poetry, which is featured in a play about domestic violence. AB: I used to work as a domestic violence advocate and also have personal experience with it. My aunt was murdered by her fiancé when she tried to leave him. The Minnesota Coalition of Battered Women puts together a list of "femicide" reports each year that tell a little bit about the women (and children and loved ones) who died in our state the previous year because of domestic violence. About 12 years ago, I started writing poems expanding on those stories. Some are told from the perspective of the victim, some through the eyes of the abuser, and some through the eyes of others like the victim's mother, a child, or a neighbor. The styles and tone are all different, but the goal is to drive home that these women were real and to make people think and feel. Some of the poems were used in the programs for a play about Domestic Violence that toured parts of the country. I have also read the poems at rallies and other events. Eventually, I hope to publish them in a book, with all proceeds going to domestic violence programs. MWLM: What advice or tips do you have for other mom poets who are interested in getting published? AB: Expect rejection! When I first started out as a poet, I wallpapered my living room with rejection notices. It was my way of taking power back from all those nay-saying publishers. I framed the acceptance letters, though. Get a copy of Poet's Market and read it well. Know your market and submit to publishers who are a good fit. Take classes, join writer's clubs and read other people's work often so you continue to grow. Don't expect to make a living publishing poetry. Out of all of the poems that I've had published, I think I was paid for four of them. Most just paid in copies. On the other hand, you should not have to pay to see your work in print, either. Beware of scams like poetry contests with no entry fee that promise thousands of dollars in prizes. Everybody who enters "wins" and is published in a large book, which you have an opportunity to buy for a ridiculous amount of money. MWLM: Do you write based on a schedule? AB: No. I can't even manage to sleep according to a schedule. It's when it hits or when I have the time. MWLM: Do you ever get writer's block? If so, what do you do to overcome it? AB: Not for long. I get so busy in mothering that when I do get a silent moment with my own voice, the hardest thing is writing fast enough to keep up. In the past, I have used music and reading poetry to jumpstart my muse though. I love listening to singers like Tori Amos who combine poetic lyrics with a catchy beat. The combination really works for me. MWLM: What is the biggest challenge you face as a mom writer? AB: The easy answer would be time, but I don't think that's it. I find time to watch TV and do email every day, so I think time is a cop out for me. I think for me, it's switching gears and making myself do the work. It's easy to write when you suddenly are inspired by some marvelous line that comes to you while you're mowing the lawn. It's much harder to sit down and do the editing, cover letters, layout and revision. That's where I end up putting things off and getting stuck. MWLM: What one piece of advice would you give to moms trying to pursue a writing career? AB: Pay yourself first. You know how they say when you need to save money you should write a check to your savings account first so the money is not all spent before you get to it? Treat yourself and your writing the same way. I have a friend who made a deal with her husband that she'd take care of the kids and house after work while he wrote his first book, and then it would be her turn. He's on his seventh book, and she still does a good job taking care of the house and kids. You've got to stand up for yourself and your writing. You're important, and so is your voice.
BethAnne Yoxsimer Paulsrud is, among other things, a mother, writer, translator, college English teacher, linguistics graduate student and uprooted Californian living in the middle of Sweden. She writes a regular column for Mosaic Minds (Mamma Mia!), and her poetry has appeared in Mamazine, Literary Mama and Mosaic Minds. She has poetry forthcoming in MotherVerse. BethAnne can be reached at expat.writer@yahoo.com.
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