Have you ever considered the work habits of the great authors and writers? Imagine them now - sitting up straight, the instruments of their time in hand, writing effortlessly from dawn until dusk. It never occurred to me that Sylvia Plath might have children crawling all over her while she was penning poetry. Now I tend to wonder.

The decision to stay home and write was largely an economic one. My little family is staying with my “bigger” family in order to save for a home purchase later in the year. This was the golden opportunity to get established without the bills going in the red. I had no real idea what this would be like with toddlers and grandparents under the same roof.

I laugh now because I really thought my children would understand when I said, “Mommy’s working, Dears.” I pictured them scampering to the playpens and playing together in blissful harmony. They would giggle quietly, and I could just look over the top of my monitor to see them teaching each other the alphabet. Yeah, I actually pictured it. Go ahead, you can laugh.

Now to the reality check. My terrorizing three-year-old boy thinks he is Darth Vader and Evil Canevil. He has two light sabers and a tricycle – both of which are deadly weapons in the clutches of a toddler. His new favorite games are to drown his action figures in the dog bowl and hand his sister eggs out of the refrigerator.

My serious faced one-year-old daughter is practicing for her acting career. So far as I can tell, she is trying to win the Emmy for Dramatic Wailing. I have never heard such lamenting in my life. This kid has Sally Field beat hands down. What’s more, she has already learned to do it on cue. No prompting necessary.

Anyone who has toddlers knows that the peaceful and productive scene I
pictured in my mind is far from real. It goes a little more like this...Type, type, type...”Joshua! Take that Storm Trooper out of the trash and quit pulling the dog’s tail!” He screams a maniacal “Nnnnoooooooooooo!” I turn on the actress-to-be. “Scarlett! Quit pulling all the wipes out of the wipes can!” Her response is to throw her head back and release a dramatic groan. Joshua hits Scarlett and screams “Quite Baby!” This, of course, brings even more tears and bawling. She pinches his leg. He howls. They can go on for hours.

My husband is supportive of this upheaval, even though it means we must
sniff laundry occasionally because I have forgotten where I began and where I left off. Occupational hazard, I tell him. He tells me that OSHA would probably shut me down. How does anyone do this? How does one keep the creative juice from flowing into the fruit juice? Working from home with toddlers has been a trial in disillusionment.

Welcome to Toddler Land. I do not pretend to have any control over this environment. I sincerely thought I would be a sweet and patient mommy. My husband doesn’t understand the stress factor here. “Honey, you’re at home all day. How stressful can it be?” I refrain from screaming “Are you nuts? Do you know what they did all day?” I am now fully disclosed, so to speak. Trying to do anything with toddlers around is near miraculous.

My toddlers are bright, energetic, and healthy – all the things they should be at their respective ages. Yet even now, knowing all the consequences of this career move, I still wouldn’t change it. Well, maybe I would change a few things, like bring the cost of good daycare down to a new freelancer’s salary. I can still dream, can’t I? But for now, the four of us hang in here together - pouts, potties, and punctuation notwithstanding.

Melissa Fulwider is a tax professional and instructor for an international tax preparation company. A wife, mother of two and avid reader, she has a broad spectrum of abiltiy with several years of writing and speaking experience. Melissa is a featured writer on OcalaCafé.com and is the webmaster for TheWriteTimes.com.

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