Bus Stop Mommies
by Karen Rinehart
I'm Not Grown Up Enough For That
My son attended high school orientation last night. His father took him and some strange woman accompanied them. It wasn’t me. I’m not grown up enough to have a child in high school.
Ironically, that woman looked like me, sounded like me and wore the same pair of khaki capris I had on earlier that same day. I recognized her wrinkled blouse with the coffee stain on the sleeve and the ponytail held up with old Hanes Her Way waistband elastic. I’ve even seen her sleeping on my side of the bed…but reality just doesn’t lend itself for me to be grown up enough to have a child starting high school. So it couldn’t have been me.
I don’t understand how others were so fooled by The Impostor. My friend Lynn offered to drive everyone to school. She didn’t blink twice at the woman who casually slid into her back seat with my son.
Once at school, this woman accompanied my family all over the place and introduced herself as my son’s mother. She walked six steps ahead of my husband, engrossed in the little rectangular piece of paper that listed the next 10 months of daily life for my son.
Impostor Mom boldly stepped into each of my son’s classrooms and introduced herself to his teachers. She was certain his English teacher wasn’t old enough to be out of high school let alone teach in one. She kept embarrassing my son by running her fingers through his new hair cut and saying things like, ‘This is my little boy. He’s a very good student." I’d never do anything to embarrass my son in public.
When Impostor Mom met the Latin teacher, she announced her brother spoke Latin. Who cares? I’d never say anything so lame.
The woman continued to drag my husband and son around school until they saw every nook and cranny in the building. She struck up conversations with total strangers and asked a student council member for directions. Impostor Mom wouldn’t leave until she joined the athletic booster club and PTO, verified the bus schedule, met the guidance counselor and grilled the lunch lady on her turkey potpie recipe.
She stopped in the hallways to talk to my friends and neighbors. She even got all chummy with my fellow Bus Stop Mommies. Now that’s going a little too far! Who was this woman and why was she taking over my life? All I know is she must be a real grown-up.
Only mature, sensible women who drive sedans, wear Dry Clean Only clothes and lack any memory of what it’s like to be a teenager have children in high school. I’ll be paying off my minivan until I’m fifty; if it’s not machine washable I don’t buy it, and I vividly remember slipping notes into locker #1028.
How can my son start high school? I’m not grown up enough for that.
Karen Rinehart is the creator of The
Bus Stop MommiesTM, a syndicated newspaper and magazine humor
columnist, public speaker, and author of the book, Invisible Underwear, Bus Stop Mommies and Other Things True To Life.
Karen has been dubbed this generation’s Erma Bombeck while Editor &
Publisher Magazine named her a possible replacement for Dave Barry. Karen lives in Concord, NC with one husband,
two children, and two goofball dogs.
Soccer Moms are so 20th Century – We're Bus Stop Mommies now! www.busstopmommies.com
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