Raising Caring Children

Recently, I asked my just-turned-five-year-old son to gather items to donate to hurricane and fire victims. I closed my eyes and prepared for howls of “What do you mean you’re giving away my toys?!” It never came. As I opened my eyes, I saw him enthusiastically hauling toys from his toy box and beyond. He relinquished his old baby rattles, Legos, and his prized super hero collection. I asked if he really wanted to take all these items. “Yes, mom,” he replied. As we loaded up our car, I praised him for wanting to give his toys to those in need. That’s when it hit...

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU’RE GIVING AWAY MY TOYS?!” he yelled.

“Honey, I said we were going to donate today.”

“Donate? I thought we were getting a donut.”

Chuckling as I retrieved 20 Rescue Heroes from the lot, I sat down to explain the difference between donate and donut. I couldn’t help but wonder, though, how we teach our children the concept of giving back. Of unselfishness. Are toddlers and preschoolers too young? Did we miss the boat if our children are already teens? Not at all. From birth well into their teens and beyond, we can continue to provide them with the tools to care for those in need – from the friend whose parents are divorcing, to the homeless living on the city streets, to victims of unforeseen disasters. We, as parents, have the most important tools to show our children unselfishness – time, commitment, and love 

Providing a home environment that is filled with empathy, generosity, compassion, kindness, and consideration creates an ideal learning area for your children. When children witness your positive behavior, they have a greater tendency to model it. Spend time with your children. Read books to young ones about manners and sharing. As they grow, openly discuss events such as war or natural disasters and have your child help you create and act on solutions to help those that have been affected.

Encourage sharing. Whether toys, time, or ideas, sharing is something we preach to our children from day one; however, it is not until they reach the preschool years that they really understand the concept. Sharing is an excellent opportunity to lay the groundwork for helping others. Seize moments to help promote empathy. If your child’s sibling or friend is sad, you could encourage your child to share something with them to make them feel better. For example, “Sweetie, Mary looks so sad, because she doesn’t have any Care Bears to play with and you have two. I bet it would make her feel really good if you let her play with one of yours for awhile.” As your children grow, encourage them to give their unused or duplicate toys to someone in need.

Expand your children’s opportunities of consideration by encouraging altruistic acts. Don’t be modest, point out your own unselfish ways. Let them identify with the emotions behind the act. Explain why you want to help others. For example, you might say “I’m devastated by the suffering of the families in Louisiana.  I am going to write a check (send goods, volunteer time, etc) to help them out. Can you imagine if that happened to our family?”

Make unselfishness a family event. Including volunteer work and unselfishness as part of your family definition or mission, is key to letting your children know that you are committed to helping others. Find volunteer activities that hold interest to your children, so they become vested in the project. There are several organizations like The United Way and VolunteerMatch.org to help you find an activity that fits your family.

Lastly, and probably most importantly, take the time to notice and praise your child’s selfless behavior and act. Your appreciation and love for their selflessness will encourage your child to continue to care for those in need while also strengthening your relationship and your family bonds.

Oh, and don’t forget to share a donut or two along the way too.

Julie Watson Smith, mom of three and founder of Mommy Hullabaloo. More than just a parenting column, it is a national company inspiring moms to get organized and energized while learning, living, and loving the chaos of mommyhood! Julie is also the author of Mommyhood Diaries: Living the Chaos One Day at a Time (Wyatt McKenzie Publishing, 2005) and the upcoming Mommy Hullabaloo’s Guidebook to Learning, Living and Loving the Chaos of Mommyhood (TBD). Visit Julie at www.mommyhullabaloo.com.